the fucking slapping noise is incredible
hey heads up if you get a youtube ad that’s chris pratt telling you not to skip, take his advice. it’s an ad for the Lego Movie 2 that literally plays the entire first movie
got crunchy joints. crispy bones. popcorn ankles. pop pop pop pop thats me gettin out of bed
Create a DnD Character Based on your natal chart!
Based on your different signs I will give you a race, Class, Sub Class , Character background and personality traits! if you have any questions on what this would mean just ask me!
Pick a race based on your moon sign
Moon in Aries: Half Orc
Moon in Taurus: Dragonborn
Pick the type of dragon born based on dom element
-Fire dom: Red dragon (fire breath)
-Water dom: Black dragon (Acid breath)
-Earth dom: White dragon (Ice Breath)
-Air dom: Blue dragon (Lighting breath)
Moon in Gemini: Half Elf
Moon in Cancer: Halfling
-Feminine sun sign: Lightfoot halfling
-Masculine sun sign: Stout halfling
Moon in Leo: Elf
-Fixed sun sign: Dawn elf
-Cardinal sun sign: Wood elf
-Mutable sun sign: Dusk elf
Moon in Virgo: Aasimar
-Fixed sun sign: Protector aasimar
-Cardinal sun sign: Scourge aasimar
-Mutable sun sign: Fallem aasimar
Moon in Libra: Aarakocra
Moon in Scorpio: Shifter
Moon in sagittarius: Genasi
-Fire dom: Fire Genasi
-Water dom: Water Genasi
-Earth dom: Earth Genasi
-Air dom: Air Genasi
Moon in Capricorn: Dwarf
-Feminine sun sign: Hill Dwarf
-Masculine sun sign: Mountain Dwarf
Moon in Aquarius: Tiefling
Moon in Pieces: Triton
Pick a class based on your sun sign
Sun in Aries: Barbarian
-Masculine moon sign: Rage Path
-Feminine moon sign: Primal Path
Sun in Taurus: Cleric
-Aries or Libra moon: Light Domain
-Taurus or Scorpio moon: War Domain
-Gemini or Sagittarius moon: Trickery Domain
-Cancer or Capricorn moon: Knowledge Domain
-Leo or Aquarius moon: Tempest Domain
-Virgo or Pieces moon: Nature Domain
Sun in Gemini: Rouge
-Fixed moon sign: Assassin
-Cardinal moon sign: Thief
-Mutable moon sign: Arcane Trickster
Sun in Cancer: Monk
-Fixed moon sign: Way of the Open Hand
-Cardinal moon sign: Way of the Shadow
-Mutable moon sign: Way of the Four Elements
Sun in Leo: Fighter
-Fixed moon sign: Battle Master
-Cardinal moon sign: Champion
-Mutable moon sign: Eldritch Night
Sun in Virgo: Wizard
-Moon in cancer or Taurus: School of Abjuration
-Moon in Capricorn or Virgo: School of Conjuration
-Moon in Gemini: School of divination
-Moon in Pieces: School of Enchantment
-Moon in leo or Aries: School of Evocation
-Moon in Aquarius or Sagittarius: School of Illusion
-Moon in Scorpio: School of Necromancy
-Moon in Libra: School of Transmutation
Sun in Libra: Bard
-Masculine moon sign: College of Valor
-Feminine moon sign: College of Lore
Sun in Scorpio: Warlock
-Fixed moon sign: The Great Old One Patron
-Cardinal moon sign: The Fiend Patron
-Mutable moon sign: The Archfey Patron
Sun in Sagittarius: Rangers
-Masculine moon sign: Hunter
-Feminine moon sign: Beast Master
Sun in Capricorn: Paladin
-Fixed moon sign: Oath of Devotion
-Cardinal moon sign: Oath of Vengeance
-Mutable moon sign: Oath of the Ancients
Sun in Aquarius: Sorcerer
-Masculine moon sign: Draconic Bloodline
-Feminine moon sign: Wild Magic
Sun in Pieces: Druid
-Feminine moon sign: Druid Circle of the Land
-Masculine moon sign: Druid Circle of the Moon
Pick a background based on your rising sign (if you don’t know it use your mercury sign)
Aries Rising: Folk Hero
Taurus Rising: Acolyte
Gemini Rising: Entertainer
Cancer Rising: Sailor
Leo Rising: Noble
Virgo Rising: Sage
Libra Rising: Guild Artisan
Scorpio Rising: Charlatan
Sagittarius Rising: Outlander
Capricorn Rising: Soldier
Aquarius Rising: Urchin
Pieces rising: Hermit
Cleric of Kinkshaming
The party was buying horses from an overly effusive, horse-obsessed woman, who kept on going on about how strong and graceful they were.
Our cleric’s deity’s portfolio includes smithing, farming, and sex.
NPC: He’s such a strong, gentle horse, you can’t get better. A smoother ride you’ve never had, and he’s robust, yet tender –
Cleric: Can I roll insight to see if she’s fucked the horse?
DM: *grimaces*…sure.
Cleric: *rolls a nat 20*
DM: You get the sense that she has in fact fucked this horse. Or at least had a great time in the saddle….If you know what I mean.
Cleric: *grimaces and steps back a bit, but says nothing*
*~An hour later~*
The party is at a clothing shop, purchasing traveller’s clothes. The Cleric, a 6'1 forge cleric lady, built like a brick shithouse, is getting boots.
Cleric: These are great boots! I’m surprised, I have such a hard time finding Ladies boots for my feet.
Shopkeeper: *overly effusive* What marvelous feet they are, so pretty – they should only be clothed in the finest!
Cleric: I mean, they are shaped like paddles, and they are huge -
Shopkeeper: A finer foot I have never seen! Such shapely feet -
Cleric: Can I roll insight to see if he’s got a thing for feet?
DM: *sputters*…okay?
Rogue: Why???
Cleric: My god is also the god of sexuality! Maybe we’re into the same weird stuff?! I’m just interested in figuring out everyone’s weird kinks, okay?
DM: Roll to kinkshame
Cleric: Nat 20
GINGER ALE BE HITTING ALWAYS I COULD BE DYING OF EVERY POSSIBLE DISEASE AND BE BLEEDING OUT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD AND TAKE A SIP OF Canada Dry AND BE LIKE ….. DAMN THAT HITS
The fact that Canada Dry is NOT in caps like the rest of this ENTIRE post has me in tearssss
neoperks
